Ever since I was a little girl, I have always contemplated what a lap dance was...why men wanted it. How to give it, etc. Having been trained in dance, to me, when doing a dance, it involves a fair amount of work - a proper routine - and this is what I would want with a lap dance too. However, I am pretty sure, that spinning around and around is not exactly what the man had in mind when he was coming to me for a lap dance.
I watched Carmen Electra's video on the lap dance, and she didn't do a routine of lap dance, but sexy chair dance that was away from the man. To me this makes sense, but then it isn't a lap dance, is it? (Who knew this topic could get so complicated). What did not help me at all with Electra's work was that it was sooo boring. Perhaps the man wouldn't mind seeing 4 of the same moves repeatedly, but I would mind doing them. I am sure my entertainment factor, would play a large one in this activity. If I am bored, he is bored. If he is bored I am bored. But back to the actual act of the dance...where do you start? Far away? On a chair? On top of him right away. One man told me, grind your ass on him until he goes insane...but you can't just start with that, can you?
In any case, having worked in the sex industry I have learned a few things. One, if you have a tight body, you make more money. If you don't have a toned body, you still make money. If you have a bigger ass, you make money on different type of men. For every girl out there there is a man out there who wants to fuck her.
Determined to figure this lap dance thing out, I decided to watch a video on the internet. It apparently was taken off of youtube for being too "pornographic". It is a brilliant video. http://vimeo.com/23000356
After watching only 25 seconds of it, I realized I do not have the confidence to do any of those moves, and she hadn't even come close to taking her clothes off! What is wrong with me!
I am a whore. I love being a whore. Men want me. All different types of men. Men worship my big ass and legs. They tell me that I am from a Renaissance painting constantly. They tell me that my shape IS what a woman should look like. From every boyfriend even in the first few times we have sex, I am the best they have ever had, or in the top two for head. I have spent years building up a repertoire of how to please men. How to be coy. How to stay silent, and how to just jabber on to make a person more comfortable. But there is something about bending over a person, sticking my ass out at a 90 degree angle and having my hands slooooowly move up and down the man's thigh, that just freaks me out. It is too close. It is too intimate. It is too sexy. I have come to sadly realize, I am cute, not sex. *sigh*
I have learned that grace and sexiness are not two qualities that I possess. I posses crudeness, politeness, and openness. To tease, toy, play, I can't and don't ever do these things even with men I love or want to. My shyness kicks into full gear. I don't even shower with them for god's sake!
Through this exploration of my desire to figure out a lap dance, I have learned two things. 1) I know why I am fascinated by it. There is so much intimacy I just cannot comprehend it. 2) Again it is all about closeness, and togetherness and openness. Sex is only one part of it. It is about one person, coming and going, teasing, playing, touching, and getting into another soul to make the lap dancee to feel wanted, paid attention to, and special.
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