Ode to my Penguin

Ode to my penguin

(My very first poem)

I don't even know if I can still use the words: my or penguin, but I don't care;

The confusion in my heart, mind and soul is one I cannot share.

I would give anything to hear the warm, comforting blanket of your voice

But I know that it would be an unwise choice.

To feel the protection spell of a pinky squeeze,

Is to make every worry in my life freeze.

With your low rumble murmur,

Would send through my fluttering heart a tremor.

But alas I know I cannot use the phone, text, or email,

For a true emergency is not what faces this female,

I know that my act would be a selfish one,

And in the end  it is an act I could give back none.

The tears that I hide in my heart

Are so full of love and hate I cannot tell them a part.

But for all of your flaws, and for all of my fears

The sweet memories of my penguin are like souvenirs.

The Real World - how boring

I should probably break this post up into many sections, but I feel, if I attempt that, I will never get my thoughts out. I woul then be forced to live with those voices in my head some more, which...who wants that?

Starting out in the real world at a stupid job is a very new challenge for me. Not because the work is difficult but because of the people I am interacting with (mainly co-workers), I feel so distant from. More and more I am realizing that my value system is different than most and this makes it hard to empathize with people around me and they with me.

I have spent my entire career with women who have charm...perhaps gaudy charm, or stupid charm, but they could captivate a person. They could make you feel as though they are bringing you into a different world when you sat down to talk to them.

But normal people. Ugh. They have no unique stories. They have no spark, no sizzle, none of the qualities that make you think, you, I must know you. They may not think I do either, but when a delivery man went on fire because I looked at him for a split second, or an older gentleman whom I opened the door for knew exactly what I am capable of due to a secret look we shared for a moment. Or at least they think they do. I couldn't imagine being in lust with someone and not getting said person, that would be awful.

What is worse is I have no one in my life who understands this sense of boring. All of my special friends stay with that work and all of my normal friends stick with normal. I have no one I can laugh and make fun with, someone who can jump from world to world. Someone who has the same spark as me. But, most of all, someone who has the same power as me, to make people feel good about themselves.

Oh to the real world: how we don't belong with one another like a lock and key. I feel like a quark who lives by the rules of quantum mechanics, though, they make up the macro world, just aren't used to the heavy laws of gravity and the likes of it. *sigh*