Is Beauty In The Eye Of The Beholder?

Perhaps it is because I am myself, and coupled with that, I am a girl, that I cannot see the sexual appeal of myself to men that I see in during work. My face is pretty, nothing extravagant, but I am by no means ugly. I am sure that most of the reasons as for why I get picked are because men believe that from that brief moment where we meet to say 'hi', it is my disposition that makes them think we will click. However, I truly feel that when I take my clothes off, the magic that they thought they would see, is not there. I do try to make up for this by being as accomodating within the boundaries of which I am comfortable with. Personally, I feel this doesn't quite make up for it.

However, tonight, the men that did pick me, did nothing but seemed amazed at what they had to behold. One man and I were talking about how I am able to keep my tummy as flat as it is, because no matter how hard he tries he cannot get it that way. I told him, that no matter how I try, my legs will never look like his, even though I do try (moderately). He pointed out that, it is my hips that make me look womanly, that give me my appeal. (I must try and think like a man. My hips make me womanly, my hips make me womanly. If I keep repeating it, will I come to believe it)?

I have always believed the idea of 'that beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is false. It comes from our backgrounds, how we were raised, what we saw when we were younger and growing up. Whether we understood what we were looking at. The artist has a vision they wish to share with us. It happens at times that we love a certain piece of work for different reasons than the artist wished for us to enjoy. And for me, I feel that somehow we are missing out on the whole potential of the work itself. 'Slavery is Freedom' as Orwell reminds us.

This all being said, I believe there is another beauty that comes from my work that very few people will ever get the chance of experiencing. When a man can comes in and has the power to choose the girl he wants (hopefully he is choosing her because it really is her he wants, not just settling), he has the power to know that he is lucky enough to get what he wants. Even if she isn't as perfect as he thought. He is lucky enough to smell, touch, taste, breathe and be one physically with the girl he chooses (or man for that matter). Never having the experience of being able to choose the exact person I want, I can only imagine how powerful and fulfilling that experience can be. However, tango is a two person dance. Every so often, the man who chooses me, is kind enough to show me that they do feel lucky. That I am not just a hole to get them off with, and that to be with me is a pleasure not just physically but also mentally. And every so often, if these two people, who jive just right, we can change each others lives forever. No real emotional exchanges were given. No kissing, or oral, nor any of the tantilizing sensations of two people exploring each other. But for a brief moment in time, one persons exhileration and excitement can be passed to the other, and the other thriving it, thus sending exhiliration right back is a magical moment.

Knowing nothing more will ever come of the encounter, and perhaps this fish and this dove may never meet again, but that moment of thank you for making me feel beautiful will never leave. I know for a fact that the ego boost that was given to me, will always play across my lips when I watch young girls try and slut it up trying to 'catch the man'. When women starve themselves, and force themselves to do terrible things to themselves to become more attractive; I will always have a small secret of knowing that, no matter how I feel about my body. No matter how ugly or fat or how much cellulite I know I have. There was a man who chose me out of a line up being perectly able to see these flaws, he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. (Him choosing to pay for it was a very strong bonus as well).

To all the men and women who work and enjoy 'the hobby', may you continue to get these chances in life where you both feel lucky to have met. And to those of you who do not work in this industry, or for those of you who choose not to partake in it, please remember, that inner beauty counts a lot more than you think. And you are not as ugly as you think you are!

Unlocking The Code - Do Men Only Want Sex?

Lately, I have been thinking about what it is that a man wants. In thinking about this, I came up with the simple answer of, men want sex. However, me being me, the simple answer is just that too simple and I cannot accept it.If men wanted only sex, then they would not continue to go see girls that cannot get them hard (like many of my clients). Nor would they continue to see a girl if they do not finish with(like clients of friends I know).

If men only wanted sex, there wouldn't be this 'me hunter, you wife' complex running around, where the man must provide and take care of his partner. What is sex? Sex is doing rhythmic motions until you orgasm. However, as many people say, it isn't all about what you get in the end but the journey that you take to get there. As women are more than happy to point out, the act of sex is a very intimate act.

Granted there are exceptions to every rule, but it seems to me,  when a man sees a working girl, he doesn't just want sex, men want intimacy. Men want to be close to someone. They want to smell a woman, touch her, feel her move with him. What is the quickest way to achieve intimacy? It is through sex. Women are expected to feel more than men are for sex, so is it because men are not giving a proper vocabulary in which to discuss what they want, which is why we just reduced it down to this need to get off?

I believe, that in this particular instance, men are getting a bad wrap. Yes, men control the world, and until recently have held that control very tightly to the chest. When it comes to sex though, women have taught their daughters to keep their legs closed, to not let in, that sex means nothing to men so we must protect ourselves. (No I have not forgotten how easily it is to get pregnant either). Do men realize that it is also intimacy that they are seeking? I believe some of them do, and I believe that it isn't so far from the truth that if thought about, they would agree.

For the most part, women control the sex. When they give it, why they give it, where they give, and to whom they give it to. Unless rape or serious guilt is involved, men are powerless in the fight for sex. They must wait for us to want it. Sometimes we can be bribed, sometimes we need it, sometimes we just 'give it up'. They are perpetually waiting for us to give it up. This being said, women, the next time you think that men just want sex (unless he has serious blue balls), we may just be reducing men down to their very basic points. I for one do not believe that everything can be reduced to its smallest elements, so next time he is trying desperately to get your pants, or you found out that he is cheating on you...perhaps it is time to wonder a little more as to why he is displaying this type of behaviour.

A Helping Hand

Being in the adult entertainment industry, I have often felt that I have wanted to share my experiences with the world. Perhaps it was how I was raised, or who I was lucky enough to meet along the way, but I have learned tricks of the trade, that have helped me become a very confident young lady. I have also learned a few secrets about what men want from whores, lovers, girlfriends and wives.

With this blog, I would like to be a bridge from the men who see women like me, in order to try and help them get the most out of what they want. I want to help women in this industry to find easier ways to deal with people but also how to make the transition from one world to another easier. And I wish to empart the secrets to the men and women of the 'normal' world of today. Knoweldge of how to please a man, how to beautiful, and what stereotypes that the media portrays are wrong. I wish to help both men and women learn how to explore their sexuality, and bodies, and allow them to really learn to love themselves as people and not be afraid of feeling good or asking for pleasure.

I have been in this industy for nearly ten years. Nothing phases me, and if there is something that you can come up with to do so, I would be glad for the challenge.