The Impossible Happened!

I am sure in most cultures, men have been comparing sizes with each other, with the idea, whoever has the biggest penis wins. Porn, has not helped to change these ideals, in fact it seems to only have heightened the need to have a bigger penis. That being said, we must not forget the saying: its not what you have, its how you use it.

Some girls like big, some girls like small. Most like average though from what I have gathered while talking to them. One interesting thing about working girls, is they get all walks of life. This includes, the young, the old, the bored, but others, who just cannot get any fun at home. As it turns out, there are a few men whose girlfriends will not have sex with them, because their penis, is just too big. So they go to the professionals, and most of the time here too they are rejected. Too big hurts.

My ex used to love the idea of a big cock thrusting into me, not paying any attention to the fact that I am wincing in pain. I have had some incredibly big cocks, and I have always been proud of the fact that I have taken them like a champ. However, the other night at work, I found a penis that I couldn't take. He was too big.

I tried my best for a little while. I could feel tears in my eyes ready to down my cheeks. The funny part is, he wasn't the biggest I have ever had. The truth is, he didn't know what to do with it. He didn't know how to work a girl's body so that she could take it. I also realized, slow is not good for me. I need it fast...and somehow my body seems to forget size when things are moving fast down below.

For the first time in my career, I had to say, "no, I can't take you, I have to finish you by hand." I tried extra lube, I tried telling him which angles to point, I even tried to encourage him to go fast...but he wouldn't listen to the last part, and I had to stop the sex due to pain.

I feel as though a part of me has failed in some way. I have always been able to handle sex no matter how big or how much pain I was in. Alas, I have found my limit.

To Ask or Not to Ask

For the longest time, I believed that asking for what one wants, was rude, not courteous, and something which people did not want to hear. I then discovered that if you ask for something specific, you will usually get it. This being because universe has heard your plea or because the person finally knows what to do for you. But what happens if a client uses their asking as a way to make you feel guilty? This is how they get onto my bad list.

I had a client the other who was very kind, but wanted to do this, move here, do that, stand up, sit down, on and on. Though he was courteous and polite throughout the whole thing, which made me feel guilty for being annoyed, but I just couldn't help myself. That was until the end of our session, when he tried to make me feel guilty about not doing every thing he asked for.

When we finally got to the having sex part of the session, he asked me to put my legs down while in missionary. I told him that I could not do that. Understandably, during his frenzy (as with anyone), he was not listening past my use of the word no to my explanation. My reason for declining him his pleasure, is, when I do that position, the power of my cunt, sucks the condom right off the man -- not a good thing for a session!

After complaining to me saying "just put your legs down, it does not feel good for me otherwise", he literally came after 2 strokes...which to me is a signal that it must have felt somewhat good if you are able to cum not only so quickly after complaining but coming so quickly after being inside of me (no more than 30 seconds).

One could argue for his sake that after all of the "foreplay", he just could not hold it back any longer, and no matter what position he was in, he would have cum. I would have left it at that, but he could not. While getting dressed and making the bed (while he took his dripping molasses like time to get dressed) he tried to guilt me for not "doing what I asked." I tried to explain to him again my concern for my our mutual safety (a point he made very clear early on) he cut me off saying no other girl has that problem; as if I were trying to pull the wool over his eyes. (I should have mentioned most girls cannot cum while exercising like I can.)

After trying a little more to make me feel bad about not doing what he wanted I simply stated, "I guess I will never see you again, that is too bad, but probably for the best", he changed tunes very quickly and said that he would still consider seeing me because everything else was "wonderful".

As I have stated in past posts, you get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. If you as a client ask for something and the girl says no, be a gentleman, do not try an make her feel bad for not doing it. There are many reasons for her choosing this position. If it is really important to you, woe her into trying to get it from her. Bribery sometimes works too. But for the love of Pete, do not try and guilt her into feeling bad. All that will happen is she will remember you as a bad client. If she remembers you as a bad client, she will automatically become hostile towards you, this is never a good thing!

Ode to my Penguin

Ode to my penguin

(My very first poem)

I don't even know if I can still use the words: my or penguin, but I don't care;

The confusion in my heart, mind and soul is one I cannot share.

I would give anything to hear the warm, comforting blanket of your voice

But I know that it would be an unwise choice.

To feel the protection spell of a pinky squeeze,

Is to make every worry in my life freeze.

With your low rumble murmur,

Would send through my fluttering heart a tremor.

But alas I know I cannot use the phone, text, or email,

For a true emergency is not what faces this female,

I know that my act would be a selfish one,

And in the end  it is an act I could give back none.

The tears that I hide in my heart

Are so full of love and hate I cannot tell them a part.

But for all of your flaws, and for all of my fears

The sweet memories of my penguin are like souvenirs.

The Real World - how boring

I should probably break this post up into many sections, but I feel, if I attempt that, I will never get my thoughts out. I woul then be forced to live with those voices in my head some more, which...who wants that?

Starting out in the real world at a stupid job is a very new challenge for me. Not because the work is difficult but because of the people I am interacting with (mainly co-workers), I feel so distant from. More and more I am realizing that my value system is different than most and this makes it hard to empathize with people around me and they with me.

I have spent my entire career with women who have charm...perhaps gaudy charm, or stupid charm, but they could captivate a person. They could make you feel as though they are bringing you into a different world when you sat down to talk to them.

But normal people. Ugh. They have no unique stories. They have no spark, no sizzle, none of the qualities that make you think, you, I must know you. They may not think I do either, but when a delivery man went on fire because I looked at him for a split second, or an older gentleman whom I opened the door for knew exactly what I am capable of due to a secret look we shared for a moment. Or at least they think they do. I couldn't imagine being in lust with someone and not getting said person, that would be awful.

What is worse is I have no one in my life who understands this sense of boring. All of my special friends stay with that work and all of my normal friends stick with normal. I have no one I can laugh and make fun with, someone who can jump from world to world. Someone who has the same spark as me. But, most of all, someone who has the same power as me, to make people feel good about themselves.

Oh to the real world: how we don't belong with one another like a lock and key. I feel like a quark who lives by the rules of quantum mechanics, though, they make up the macro world, just aren't used to the heavy laws of gravity and the likes of it. *sigh*