Is Beauty In The Eye Of The Beholder?

Perhaps it is because I am myself, and coupled with that, I am a girl, that I cannot see the sexual appeal of myself to men that I see in during work. My face is pretty, nothing extravagant, but I am by no means ugly. I am sure that most of the reasons as for why I get picked are because men believe that from that brief moment where we meet to say 'hi', it is my disposition that makes them think we will click. However, I truly feel that when I take my clothes off, the magic that they thought they would see, is not there. I do try to make up for this by being as accomodating within the boundaries of which I am comfortable with. Personally, I feel this doesn't quite make up for it.

However, tonight, the men that did pick me, did nothing but seemed amazed at what they had to behold. One man and I were talking about how I am able to keep my tummy as flat as it is, because no matter how hard he tries he cannot get it that way. I told him, that no matter how I try, my legs will never look like his, even though I do try (moderately). He pointed out that, it is my hips that make me look womanly, that give me my appeal. (I must try and think like a man. My hips make me womanly, my hips make me womanly. If I keep repeating it, will I come to believe it)?

I have always believed the idea of 'that beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is false. It comes from our backgrounds, how we were raised, what we saw when we were younger and growing up. Whether we understood what we were looking at. The artist has a vision they wish to share with us. It happens at times that we love a certain piece of work for different reasons than the artist wished for us to enjoy. And for me, I feel that somehow we are missing out on the whole potential of the work itself. 'Slavery is Freedom' as Orwell reminds us.

This all being said, I believe there is another beauty that comes from my work that very few people will ever get the chance of experiencing. When a man can comes in and has the power to choose the girl he wants (hopefully he is choosing her because it really is her he wants, not just settling), he has the power to know that he is lucky enough to get what he wants. Even if she isn't as perfect as he thought. He is lucky enough to smell, touch, taste, breathe and be one physically with the girl he chooses (or man for that matter). Never having the experience of being able to choose the exact person I want, I can only imagine how powerful and fulfilling that experience can be. However, tango is a two person dance. Every so often, the man who chooses me, is kind enough to show me that they do feel lucky. That I am not just a hole to get them off with, and that to be with me is a pleasure not just physically but also mentally. And every so often, if these two people, who jive just right, we can change each others lives forever. No real emotional exchanges were given. No kissing, or oral, nor any of the tantilizing sensations of two people exploring each other. But for a brief moment in time, one persons exhileration and excitement can be passed to the other, and the other thriving it, thus sending exhiliration right back is a magical moment.

Knowing nothing more will ever come of the encounter, and perhaps this fish and this dove may never meet again, but that moment of thank you for making me feel beautiful will never leave. I know for a fact that the ego boost that was given to me, will always play across my lips when I watch young girls try and slut it up trying to 'catch the man'. When women starve themselves, and force themselves to do terrible things to themselves to become more attractive; I will always have a small secret of knowing that, no matter how I feel about my body. No matter how ugly or fat or how much cellulite I know I have. There was a man who chose me out of a line up being perectly able to see these flaws, he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. (Him choosing to pay for it was a very strong bonus as well).

To all the men and women who work and enjoy 'the hobby', may you continue to get these chances in life where you both feel lucky to have met. And to those of you who do not work in this industry, or for those of you who choose not to partake in it, please remember, that inner beauty counts a lot more than you think. And you are not as ugly as you think you are!