Young Adult

After watching the movie Young Adult, I cannot help but feel guilt deep inside my heart and I feel that I must write about it in the hopes to get it out.

Charlize Theron plays a woman who goes back to her small town in the hopes of getting back her old flame who just happened to have a new baby girl. She believes that they were meant to be together and that she will help him out of his very unhappy life. At the same time she meets another student from highschool who she never noticed during their time in school; he wasn't good enough her to notice him.

Within the movie, she ends up literally going crazy, and while most of the people feel sorry for her, there is a part of her that is still that cool girl from highschool, the pretty girl that is Finally paying attention to the "losers in school."

I never spent much time in highschool, I was too busy skipping class or trying to spend time with older people. But I did surround myself with those who I knew (whether I am worthy or not) they believed I was "out of their league". I used this to my advantage to glean as much attention and praise that I could.

I do not think that I would ever go crazy over someone, I prefer them going crazy for me. But I do go after the married man, whether they are happy or not. I make sure they seek me out first, I would never make the first move on someone in a relationship. However, taking a person away from their relationship is merely not enough for me. I am not a person to say no to multiple people giving me attention. I do everything I can to make the others around me happy. I suppose it is not proper to say, but I am good at it, and it comes as naturally to me as breathing does. I believe in the language of the heart and soul as J'kar has said. It is the heart and soul that I feed off of. It is the heart and soul I need, I crave, I yearn for.

When Theron finally does sleep with her "lesser" friend someone in the room asked why she would do such a thing; how quickly I was able to respond, because that is what a girl in distress does. She finds the one person who will take her with all of her flaws and still worship her as the goddess she knows she is. As he said in the movie, "men like us were born worshiping women like you" or something to very close.

I can find the men who will worship me no matter the cost to them. I pray on them as a spider in web. She may not eat her fly right away but she will. Perhaps there is a reason why I hate spiders, I see too much of myself in them. Reflection is never fun.

What is worse after this confession I know I will not stop. Perhaps some of you will only see me as a woman who will use a man for money. To be completely honest, I am terrible at this. But to take a man's soul from him...that is something I am quite capable of doing, and I cannot see an end to it. I just hope for those whom I use, I am able to make even happier so they feel that it was worth being used.

Forgive me.