When I first started blogging once again, this blog was supposed to be a creative outlet for my life. I had broken up with my mostly on (but sometimes off again) married boyfriend, and I felt as though I needed to let go of all of the energy, pain, hurt, sorry, and joy that came with the breaking of that relationship.
I had stated that this relationship was a toxic one to me, and on many accounts I truly believe it was and always will be. The constant reminders that I am merely a ghost in his life is something I must continually fight against. As I have recently realized and have come to accept, I am an attention whore. I do not like being in the spotlight, but I need to have someone to communicate with at all times (preferably not in person, I have learned I can only tollerate people's co-existing in my space for short periods of time). Through text and or email is what I prefer.
I think about all of my favourite relationships and they are mostly through the cyber world. Constant emails going back and forth, streams of texts: learning of their day, their thoughts, and ideas. I love this. I crave this. Unfortunately for me, these past few months, I have decided to date someone who gives me none of this and I must admit it was driving me crazy.
After begging, pleading and threatening my lover to spend more energy communicating with me via various devices (our schedules do not mix very well and so we can only see each other once or twice a week), I gave in to temptation and I began forming my relationship with my ex once more. Slowly, my spark of life started to come back to me.
This is not to say that he and I did not go through the usual fights of "how could you", "how dare you", "I mean nothing to you but a body to fuck"...but we made it through. We worked out our issues and seem to be on a good track once again.
What I didn't notice was the change in me that others saw. Lately I have been working with a new girl, a fiery, spunky, sparky Roman solider and Empress named Kandis. Every day she would come in and I would think, I wish I had her joie de vivre. One day, after receiving my amazing Illusionist locket, she was now the one to say "Ivy, I have never seen you so jazzed up before". The truth was out. My ex had brought my life back to me - or as we now call him to differentiate him from my boyfriend, my man-friend.(did I mention my locket?)
One thing I have always loved about my ex, is that he has accepted and also helps and encourages my work. To most this probably doesn't seem like a good idea..."he is encouraging you to sell your body?" Well, you know what, a job is a job. I happen to like and be somewhat okay at selling my body for companionship and I like that he understands that.
Having met me through my work, he has a full understanding of what I do and how I do it. Continually he sees girls while we are broken up, and the working girl mentality ideas are reinforced. Unlike one girl I know who just told her boyfriend, my ex, realizes that I am not passionately making out with strangers, or having wild and crazy threesomes. My line of work is rather boring.
So here I go, jumping in with both feet, enjoying his company with all my heart.
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